by the Koanic Soul:
As a kid I was a friendly, happy goofball. Intelligent, liked to read, etc, but not anti-social in any way.
When the switch flipped, it replaced this personality with something stern, stoic, unswerving, literal, anti-social, and duty-bound.
I adopted a literally stone-faced, Spock-like demeanor, and became fascinated by concepts of duty, honor and sacrifice, which I found in the works of classical literature and sci-fi that I enjoyed reading.
At that point, I was ready to be a soldier or conduct adult business. However, I was nowhere near ready to engage in the shifting arrays of deception, insincerity and frivolity that pass for Homo Sapiens’ modern life.
I had zero insight into social situations, and extreme discomfort in those contexts, where my objectives and duties were so undefined. I could not interpret social messages, subtexts, facial expressions (save the most obvious), feelings, etc. I proceeded rigorously according to an internal logic that frequently got me into overt trouble, because I was incapable of reading the social warning cues leading up to official consequences. I also began to develop anxiety and rage as a result of these repeated failures, gaffes and miscues.
[ ] The transition to introversion itself wasn’t abrupt. Before that, I gradually began to spend more and more time reading. It was the adoption of stone-facedness that was abrupt. I believe it was a reaction to attending the first day of school, probably junior high. I reacted by shutting out as much unwelcome emotional social stimuli as possible.
[ ] They [food intolerances] also sap my energy, leaving me alternating between normal or low energy, but never a sustained high social energy.
Part of it was also cultural. I was the first child of a highly introverted gamma father, and a highly lawful-oriented mother (to borrow D&D parlance). I grew up without much forced exposure to natural, healthy socialization models. My parents to this day don’t have much of a social life outside of church.
[ ] Over the 15 years since then, I’ve been slowly learning and adapting to the slippery social reality of Homo Sapiens. [ ] I credit Game for most of this progress, although I drew from a vast array of self-improvement and spiritual sources.
I looked at everything from body language, to socializing, to meditation, psychology, human nature, evolution, theology, etc. Koanic Soul combines all of these. That’s why it bears little resemblance to any method of Game in existence.